The ABC Collection of Candy
by Technical Technicalities
Summary: Each drabble starts with a letter of the alphabet! [Updated every Tuesday]
1. Arachnid

A/N: So, this is just something fun I thought I'd do. Obviously, I have a story entitled "Drabbles" that I intend to finish up, but in the meantime, I figured I'd write some drabble things for my favorite South Park pairing: Candy (Canon age for every drabble)!

Warning: Extremely short, fluffy-ish stories ahead.

Edit: I have this pre-written already, hence why I update every Wednesday (also, that's when South Park airs for me in my time zone)

* * *

**Arachnid**

* * *

"Ew!" Wendy shrieked. "Get it away!"

"Wow Wendy, for such a tough girl, you're afraid of an tiny little spider?" Cartman asked in a mocking tone, and held the spider in his hand.

"Just kill it!" Wendy yelled at him from atop Cartman's couch. She hated spiders, and now, Cartman knew about that tiny fear she possessed.

"Aw, but who would want to kill such a cute little spider?" He mocked again, and set the spider inside of a jar. He went onto the couch, where Wendy was standing, and set the jar by her foot. Wendy screamed.

"GET IT THE HELL AWAY ERIC!" She yelled again, and leaped off his couch. Cartman scooped up the jar and basically chased her around his house with it, with Wendy screaming threats and telling him to stop. Finally, the fat boy stopped chasing her around and collapsed on a nearby chair, almost dying of laughter and too much running. Wendy ran to where Cartman was too, and sat down on him.

"That was HILARIOUS!" Cartman managed to choke out between fits of laughter.

"I hate you."

"And yet you're dating me?"

"...fuck you Eric Cartman." She said and kicked the jar over.

"Love you too."


	2. Books

**Books**

* * *

Cartman was never one to study. He would usually loaf around Wendy's house while she studied, but today was going to be different.

"Eric, we have a test on spelling tomorrow. Don't you at least want to study one word?" She asked from her bed, where all of tomorrow's studying materials were laid out in front of her, such as a phonics book, along with a dictionary.

"Nope." Cartman replied while shoving a couple of cheesy poofs into his mouth.

"If we're going to be dating, then you need to at least make an effort to be smart! I don't want a complete fucking retard for a boyfriend!"

"I'll make sure to tell Timmy that."

"Timmy can't help it! But you, no you're an idiot on purpose."

"Aye! Remember when I fed Scott Tenorman his parents? That required a shit-load of thinking!" Cartman argued. Wendy looked confused, then sighed.

"At least crack open one book for me?" She asked, and tried to persuade Cartman by making her eyes all big and puppy-like. Everyone always fell for it, so Cartman obviously shouldn't be different. Her theory proved to be true when Cartman groaned.

"You're goddamn lucky that you're cute enough to do that."

"Good. Now how do you spell 'important'?"


	3. Candy

A/N: Coincidental title for this chapter haha.

* * *

**Candy**

* * *

"Come on! Hurry up Wendy!" Cartman told her as the two ran to the same candy shop as when Stan, Kyle, and him tried to build a ladder to heaven.

"I'm trying!" Wendy panted from behind him. It was a bit hard to run while trying desperately to keep your hat on your head, to be fair. The duo finally arrived at the destination.

"Let's buy EVERYTHING." Cartman said with child-like enthusiasm. Well, since he actually was still a child, that was fitting to say.

"How much money do you have?"

"10 dollars."

"I have 5."

"That should be enough for-" Cartman paused, and walked inside the store. "-for two gumballs, a pack of gum, and two jawbreakers. Oh, and a Hershey's bar."

"Cool. I want a pink gumball." Wendy said, and picked it off the shelf. In two seconds flat, Cartman had the rest of the items in his hands, minus one of the jawbreakers. Wendy picked out a purple and white jawbreaker, and the two walked to the register to pay for their items.

"Will that be all?" The cashier asked in his usual cheerful tone. Both nodded yes. "That'll be $14.95," He said, and Cartman handed over the ten dollar bill, along with Wendy pulling out her five dollars. "Thanks, and come again!"

"Here's your gumball and jawbreaker..." Cartman said, pawing through the candy bag they had bought. Wendy popped the gumball into her mouth and started chewing. Cartman took out the pack of gum and opened it, then put a piece in his mouth.

"This was a good idea." Wendy told him.

"That was fun." Cartman said, and the two walked home eating their candy.


	4. Damages

**Damages**

* * *

Wendy was bored today. Bebe was busy today with Clyde. Well, she was busy using Clyde to get more shoes, that poor boy. She could always call up Cartman, she supposed.

"Hello?" He answered after a couple of rings.

"Hi."

"Oh. Sup ho." He greeted.

"Greetings fatass."

"Why're you calling me?"

"I'm bored."

"...Hold on I'll just come over." Cartman said, and she heard the distinct yelling of Cartman yelling to his mother that he was going over to his girlfriend's house.

* * *

Her doorbell rang in a few seconds, and Wendy ran down the stairs. She opened the door to see an equally bored Cartman standing on her doorstep. She invited him inside, and they took a seat on Wendy's couch. "Now what?"

"Wanna do something fun?" Cartman suggested with an evil smile. Wendy looked unsure.

"What kind of fun were you thinking?" Wendy asked in a worried voice.

"There's this one old man..."

* * *

"Be quiet." Cartman whispered to her before they entered that same old man who had yelled at Cartman during that console war's yard. The two tiptoed over to the front of the backyard, and he pulled out a bat.

"What the hell are you planning to do?" Wendy whispered. Cartman shushed her, then swung at a fountain. He managed to crack it, and the two ran away to some nearby bushes and hid. The old man came to the window.

"What the hell?!" He called out. When nobody answered, he shut his window, inaudibly muttering something about stupid kids to himself.

Cartman laughed and continued whacking the fountain after the coast was clear. He then whacked half the bushes until the old man came back. "FUCK YOU! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY GARDEN YOU UNRULY KID!"

Cartman flipped him off and whacked one more bush before motioning to Wendy. The two ran like hell out of that place with the old man shouting insults after them. Once they arrived back at Wendy's house, both of them, out of breath, stumbled inside. "Now wasn't that fun?" He asked with a breathless grin.


	5. Excitement

**Excitement**

* * *

_This was going to be a great party_ Wendy told herself mentally over and over again. It didn't matter that Stan, her ex, and Cartman would be there. _It didn't matter..._

She hoped that Stan wouldn't do anything rash. She did just break up with him, and somehow developed a crush on Cartman two days later. Bebe, again told her that it was probably just more sexual tension, but this time, it seemed different.

* * *

Wendy rang the doorbell, hoping that she wasn't too late. It had taken a while to try to comb her long hair, as well as picking out a nice dress. "Heeeyy!" Bebe greeted as she opened the door.

"Hi!" Wendy replied and looked over her shoulder to see who was there. She spotted Stan and Kyle sitting on the stairs, and Stan looked like he was...crying? She couldn't see too well, but both boys were sitting awfully close to each other on the stairwell.

Craig was sitting on top of Butters for unknown reasons, while Clyde had fallen asleep with Token in a corner. A couple of girls were in the middle of the living room, dancing. She spotted Lola and Red eating some cookies and most likely gossiping. There was only one person in particular she was looking for out of all these people though.

"Is Cartman here?" Wendy asked as she finally stepped inside the house.

"Yeah, that fatass is in the kitchen." Bebe said whilst rolling her eyes. Wendy made a beeline for the kitchen, and indeed, Cartman had his back turned towards her as he rifled through the refrigerator.

"Hey." Wendy said while twirling a piece of hair. Cartman looked up.

"Oh, hey ho." He greeted, and turned back around.

"Uh..."

"Oh. Want some oreos?" He asked, and gave her one. Wendy smiled and popped it in her mouth.

"Thanks." She said. Cartman grabbed her arm and led her upstairs.

"Let's watch a movie or something." Cartman suggested, and had already grabbed the Terrance and Phillip movie. Wendy smiled and sat down on Bebe's bed. He joined her, and halfway through the movie, he put his arm around her. She responded by leaning into him, with feelings of excitement washing over her.


	6. Fairs

**Fair**

* * *

Fairs were okay, Wendy supposed. The rides were fun, and the games were cool too. The fair food was okay, but fattening. When Cartman called her up to ask if she wanted to go the fair, of course, she couldn't refuse.

* * *

"Oh! Oh! And let's go on that one spinny ride!" Cartman exclaimed, dragging Wendy around the fair grounds. She allowed one of her arms to be grasped by him, since she was using the other one to make sure her beret didn't fly off her head. They went to "that one spinny ride" and she had to admit that it was pretty fun.

"What do you wanna do next fatass?"

"Let's go eat hippy." Cartman replied, licking his lips. Wendy went along with him while he ordered cotton candy, pizza, twinkies, deep-fried everything, etc. Not a single ounce of healthy food could be spotted. Wendy herself decided just to get a simple slice of pizza.

"I guess fairs are okay." She said after picking at her piece of pizza. Cartman scarfed down his cotton candy in about a minute.

"Better than okay."

"I wouldn't mind doing this again, I suppose."

"Then we'll go again ho."


	7. Grounded

**Grounded**

* * *

"Young lady! We heard that you got a C on your latest test! A C isn't acceptable! You're grounded for a week!" Her parents yelled at her. Wendy sighed. She would've studied more, but she was getting too caught up with the town's fat Nazi.

He was always surprisingly sweet around her, which was weird, considering his normal asshole personality. Yet, when they started going out, Cartman didn't mistreat her or anything. He often took her on dates and things, like the fair last week, and when he took her shopping for candy. Of course, whenever she wasn't hanging out with him, he was still busy fighting with that kid with the green hat, what was his name? Kyle. They were infamous for their fights.

Wendy flopped on her bed, now bored. It was the weekend, and she had already done all her homework at school with Bebe and Red. Right now, she would most likely be on the phone with Cartman, or Bebe. But now, she had her phone taken away for the week, along with television privileges. She had already read all of the books on her bookshelf as well.

Just when she put back a book that she had already read at least ten times, there was a tapping at her window. She opened it, and saw Cartman standing there with a handful of rocks. "Hey ho! Wanna go to the ice cream shop?" He asked loudly. Wendy shushed him.

"I'm grounded."

"Oh. That shouldn't matter. Just jump out the window or something."

"Cartman I'd break my fucking neck!"

"Don't worry ho. I'll catch you."

"No."

"Do it!"

This persistent arguing continued on for a couple of minutes before Cartman walked away. "I'll call you next week!" Wendy called after him.

"Thanks ho! Now I have to hang out with the hippy, the Jinger Jew (Yes it's spelled Jinger on purpose), and the poor kid! Damn it!"


	8. Habanero

**Habanero**

* * *

"I don't know Cartman, maybe you-"

"I can do it ho!" Cartman indignantly replied to his girlfriend. Wendy sighed, and grabbed some milk from the cafeteria chef.

"This is supposed to be a really hot pepper Eric." Wendy told him, calling him by his first name. She always did that if things were going to get too dangerous, or serious.

Hesitantly, under the watch of herself, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Craig's gang, and Bebe, he put the pepper in his mouth and chewed it. The group leaned in closer, eager to see Cartman's reaction. He looked normal, for a few seconds anyway.

"HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT WHAT THE SATAN IS THIS FUCKING MADE OF?! GODDAMN MEXICANS SCOTT IS A DICK HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKING TASTES LIKE SATAN'S DICK WHAT THE UNHOLY FUCKING SHIT IS THIS!" Cartman yelled while running around the table wildly. Everyone started to crack up, with the exception of Wendy. She sighed as she handed him five cartons of milk. Cartman wasted no time in chugging two of them down.

"MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE WHAT THE FUCK!" Cartman continued to scream. Wendy abruptly kissed him. Stan stopped laughing and stared at them. "Thanks ho, but my mouth still feels like the inside of Hell."


	9. Incapability

**Incapability**

* * *

"Calm down Wendy." Cartman told her. She was freaking out over a B that she had gotten on her test.

"You don't understand! Does this look like an A to you?!" She shoved the paper in Cartman's face. "THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!"

Cartman pushed the paper away. "I'd kill to have a B..."

"Yeah, but I didn't get an A! This is an outrage!" Wendy nearly started to scream. He tried to pat her back, unsure of what to do. He wasn't really the comforting type.

"Calm down. It doesn't matter if you failed. You...were...incapable of doing well."

"Incapable?! I'm not smart enough to pass this?!" Wendy was now in hysterics. Cartman snatched the paper away.

"It doesn't matter if you didn't get an A! Everyone has to fail sometimes! You're not incapable of doing this. Just do some homework or something to get your grade up." Cartman told her. Wendy stayed silent for a few seconds, then hugged him.

"Thanks. I guess I did have to fail at something."

"That's just how life is."


	10. Jagged

**Jagged**

* * *

_"Stan...you know that I'll always love you, but-" Wendy broke up with Stan, before he interrupted her._

_"You're dumping me for Cartman aren't you." Stan asked in a flat tone of voice. Wendy grimaced._

_"How did you know?" She asked in a more nervous tone._

_"He told me."_

_"It's not you Stan. Our relationship always had jagged edges, and I think we're too...I'd say boring for each other." She explained. Stan sighed._

_"Just watch out. Cartman's sort of...crazy. If you thought our relationship was jagged, then imagine going out with him." Stan said as he walked away._

* * *

"I don't think our relationship is jagged. I think it's going quite smoothly." Wendy told Cartman. He nodded.

"I thought it would've been the two of us screaming at each other constantly, but we get along ho. Just fine." Cartman said. Wendy leaned in and gave him a kiss.

"I hope that we don't have edges in our relationship."


End file.
